


remember me (and smile as you do)

by hibroadwaytrashheere



Category: DSMP - Fandom, Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Dead TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Spoilers for Tommy's 3/1 Stream, This Is Sad, Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, Traumatized Toby Smith | Tubbo, Traumatized Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF), Why was that a tag, and mostly tubbo centric, but so is tubbo so its fine, i tried okay, im in denial, im not the best at writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29816838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibroadwaytrashheere/pseuds/hibroadwaytrashheere
Summary: the world gives you no time to grieve, so why not just stay in denial?
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	remember me (and smile as you do)

**Author's Note:**

> this physically hurt to write lmao  
> also!! not proofread, i am so sorry if i made any mistakes :))

_i didn't want him to grieve forever._

The brunette hummed to himself as he slipped his sweater on, questioning his clothing choice for a second before deciding that this was a good decision. He made himself a little to-do list in his mind, preparing for the day ahead of him. 

_ but why isn't he more upset? _

He would definitely want to do something with Ranboo today.

_ i thought we were friends. _

Maybe they could go bee hunting. Ranboo was always great company.

_ he doesn't care at all, does he? _

He adjusted his sweater once more, then moved away from the mirror. His bed was unmade, which bothered him slightly, but he just didn't feel like making it.

_ some of my last words were in his defense. _

Why make the bed when you were going to get back in it at the end of the day? 

_ why doesn't he care, wilbur? _

He put on his shoes, double-knotting them so that they wouldn't untie during his adventures.

_ i taught him that. i taught him everything i could. i had so much left to teach him. _

He pushed the door open, eyes widening slightly in surprise at who was waiting outside.

_ please don't forget me. _

"Sam?" 

"Hey, Tubbo."

He closed the door behind him, leaning against it for support. It was cold outside, he noted. Cloudy, too. The teenager shifted awkwardly, before asking, "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at the prison?"

Sam looked tired, Tubbo realized. His eyes were more bloodshot than usual, and his thick, dirty clothing did nothing to hide the shaking body beneath them. 

Tubbo instantly grew concerned. "Did something happen?"

Sam blinked once, then twice, almost owlishly. If he didn't look so absolutely fatigued, Tubbo would've pointed it out to him. But he knew that comment wouldn't have been appreciated.

"Sam, seriously. You're trembling, man. Did someone do something?" After a second, the brunette sighed. "Was it Tommy? Do I have to add you to the list of people he's annoyed? I didn't have anything to do with any prank he–"

"Tubbo."

Ranboo appeared from behind Sam, and Tubbo instantly grinned.

"Ranboo! I was gonna go find you later. I found a map to some buried treasure in a shipwreck yesterday. Do you want to come with me?" 

Ranboo and Sam shared worried looks, and Tubbo frowned.

"What's wrong? If you don't wanna come, you don't have to." He shifted his weight from one foot to another, defensive. "It'd just be boring to go alone, and Tommy doesn't seem to wanna go with me, so–"

"Tubbo," Ranboo interrupted again. He didn't say anything after that, and Tubbo's frown deepened.

"What?" He was met with silence, and he clicked his tongue. "Will someone please tell me what's wrong?"

Sam spoke up, voice laced with worry. "Tommy's gone, Tubbo. He's been dead for a week now."

Tubbo gave a weirded-out smile, shaking his head slightly. "No, he's not. He's at his hotel. He's just been super busy . "

He felt a raindrop land on his nose, and looked up. The clouds were a lot darker than he had originally thought. A few more drops landed in his hair, but he didn't feel like moving inside.

Sam took something out of his pocket, handing it to the shorter boy. It was an invitation, Tubbo realized. An invitation to a funeral.

"This isn't funny, guys. You took this way too far. Tommy's gonna be mad." He tried to give the invitation back, but Sam wouldn't take it. 

"It was yesterday, Tubbo. You missed it." The drizzle turned into a gentle downpour, but Sam didn't seem worried about that. His attention was set on Tubbo.

"Puffy and Quackity were there," Ranboo started. "Sapnap and Karl went, and I'm pretty sure Technoblade was there, too."

Tubbo's shoulders sagged in relief. "Oh, thank god. You guys were joking." He received confused looks, so he elaborated, "Technoblade thinks Tommy betrayed him! He would never go to his funeral!"

"I had to." 

The usually monotone voice was raspy and soaked with sorrow. Tubbo spun around, coming face to face (or, more accurately, face to  chest ) with the piglin hybrid himself. 

"I would've done anything for him. He was like a brother to me." Techno bit out, regret and pain evident in his tone. 

Tubbo gripped his sleeve, tugging at the cloth anxiously. His heart was at his throat, beating intolerably fast. This wasn't funny anymore.

"I failed my Theseus." Techno's voice cracked, and the sheer emotion broke Tubbo. 

"He's.. actually dead?" Tubbo's eyebrows furrowed.

His response came from Sam, who only whispered a small, "I'm so sorry."

The surge of emotions surprised him, but he could distinctly pick out the rage. The denial wore off, and a flood of anger took its place. It was hot, and horrible, and loud, and his whole world was crashing and nothing made sense. He bit his lip, glaring at the ground below him. 

"This isn't fair. This isn't fair." Tubbo bit, tears threatening to spill. Lightning struck somewhere behind him, and the thunder made his ears ring. "It was supposed to be over. Dream is in prison! We have the discs! We won! It was over!"

"Tubbo, I know you're upset, but yelling isn't–"

"He was my best friend! This was supposed to be our happy ending! It was over!"

The thunder was so, so loud. The air had gotten colder, the world had gotten grayer, and he didn't know what to do.

"He was a kid! It wasn't his time!"

_death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints, right, wilbur?_

"It was Dream, wasn't it?"

"They got trapped in his cell together. I didn't think Dream would- I didn't think he was going to..." He trailed off, swallowing roughly. After a deep inhale, he continued somberly, "I couldn't get to him in time. I am so sorry."

Tubbo shook his head. If a tear had spilt, it had been lost to the pouring rain. "I want him executed." The three hybrids instantly protested, but Tubbo spoke over them, furious. "He took someone's last life. We should get to take his."

"Then, by your standards, we'd have to kill Philza." Technoblade reminded, tone cold and tense.

"Philza killed Wilbur involuntarily. Wilbur practically made him do it. And Dream killed two people in cold blood, so we can make that the rule, if you want."

"Two people?"

"Tommy and Mexican Dream!"

"That was canon?"

"Of course it w– it doesn't matter. What matters is that that green son of a bitch has killed two people who I considered family!"

_ family? _

"I want him dead, Sam! We were keeping him alive for his book, and he has done absolutely nothing. He did the opposite, actually, he killed someone! He killed Tommy!" It was all so real. Tommy was dead. Tommy, who he had grown up with, who had been his first (and sometimes only) friend, had been murdered. He squeezed his eyes shot, the rush of sadness overwhelming him. "He's really dead." 

Then there was a pair of arms around him, and then two pairs, and then three. They were all soaked, the rain crashing into their clothes mercilessly, but they didn't care.

_ go inside, you imbeciles. you're gonna get sick. _

Tubbo felt a weight on his chest pulling him down. He wanted to let that weight sink him into the ground, let it dissolve him until he was nothing more than atoms. He wanted to stop thinking more than he wanted to keep living. 

"Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated." The pinkette said, then added, "That's by Alphonse de Lamartine."

"Maybe it's because he was so loud." Tubbo suggested with a sad giggle, "If you were his friend, you never had a second of silence. But now that he's gone, that silence is deafening." 

_ the more i talk, the more i can distract people from the awful things happening around us. _

"Tubbo, do you want to see his grave?" Sam asked. "You don't have to if you're not ready yet, but I think you could do with some closure."

Tubbo felt the weight grow heavier, but he nodded. "Let's go visit Tommy." 

The downpour began to ebb. The water that had been relentlessly pounding into them slowed down to a gentle drizzle, softly dropping onto the four grievers as they made their way through the SMP. The soaked clothes were uncomfortable, but Tubbo's mind was racing so fast that he didn't notice.

The grave was cobblestone, Tubbo noticed. It made him smile just a little. God, Tommy and his stupid cobblestone obsession.

'Rest in Peace

TommyInnit

16 years old'

The four stood in front of the grave, staring down at the coarse dirt. The brunette felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned to find Ranboo holding a potted red tulip. 

"I just thought you might want to leave a flower," Ranboo explained.

"Uh, yeah. Thank you, Ranboo." Tubbo gave a tight smile, taking the plant from the hybrid. 

_ red was always my favorite color. _

"Well, um, I guess I have to say something, don't I?" Tubbo gave an awkward laugh, one void of humor and filled with immense sadness. "We're all here for you, Tommy. All of us. You really- you tried to protect me the best you could. You spent your whole life defending me against anyone who so much as mumbled a bitter comment about me, and when it was my turn to protect you, I failed, man." 

_you didn't fail me. you gave me a reason to live._

"It was fun, wasn't it? It was- it was fun while it lasted. We had some laughs, we had some bad moments, but it was overall okay, right? Hey, um, at least the discs are in your enderchest. No one can steal those from you. They're safe. And so are you, right? You're in heaven with Wilbur. And Henry, probably, so that's fun."

_ henry's actually being really annoying. and wilbur is wilbur. _

"What else can I say, Big T? You were my best friend. You were so, so loyal and sometimes you said things you didn't mean but you more than made up for them. I'm just so happy I got to watch you become a good person no matter what life threw at you."

_ i had a good influence. _

"Do you remember when Dream cornered us that one time and we thought I was gonna die? I was really scared, too, but I think you were more scared than I was, to be honest. While we were saying our goodbyes, you asked me, 'Tubbo, what am I without you?' And I told you, 'yourself.'" He took a deep breath, grip tightening on the pot. "I'm asking you the same question now, Big T. What am I without  you ? We both know I was just your sidekick all along, mister main character. What do I do now, Tommy?"

_ you move on. you find happiness without me. _

"Without me, you were yourself, but without you, I'm nothing."

_you're so much more than you think you are._

"Rest in peace, Tommy. I miss you."

_ you're so clingy. _

_ i miss you more. _

A raindrop fell onto the red petals before the drizzle ceased altogether. The pot was lowered onto the ground in front of the cobblestone grave.

It was done, and Tommy was gone.


End file.
